Subject: Altoids in a whole new light
This is an absolutely true story-forward it around to friends who might get a kick out of it.
Had the most interesting conversation with the top sales weasel at our company today. She came into my office and noticed I had a box of Altoids on my desk.
(Have you had them? They are these obnoxiously strong peppermints made in England.) As soon as she saw them, she burst into laughter. Turns out she had recently had an affair with a guy who called her and left her an incredibly steamy voice mail message after an encounter. He went on and on about what a blow job goddess she was, how amazing she was, how he'd never be the same, etc. She was kind of puzzled, thinking: what did I do to this guy that was so different from my regular technique?
She finally figured it out: she's a smoker, and before getting intimate with him, she had gone to the bathroom to "freshen up." Not having a toothbrush, she crunched on about four Altoids and then got busy. Apparently things went amazingly.
So she passed this little tidbit on to another female sales weasel, who immediately tried it out on *her* fiance. Apparently this guy has never, ever been into oral sex, but liked the mint sensation so much that he asked her to stop and chew another Altoid mid-blow job. He is now a fellatio gourmand.
This news has been going around our office. Having a box of Altoids on your desk is now like being part of the Secret Blowjob Goddess Society. It's the equivalent of having the hottest car or coolest computer. News spread like crazy among the females, who all went out at lunch to Walgreens to buy a box of Altoids (about $2 for 100 or so), and their partners across the city tonight are getting one hell of a corporate blow job. As far as company-wide morale boosting events, it doesn't get much better.
Some of the men found out, too -- they went out after work to buy them for their wives. They strategized on how to get their wives to eat them.
And people wonder why I work in technology.
(For what it's worth -- it really does work! It leaves a lasting tingle that is apparently quite exquisite.)
Dr. Sandor Gardos:
There are many urban myths related to sex, but this is one of the few that happens to be somewhat true. Altoids really do create an interesting sensation during oral sex. Though these mints have been around forever, stories are now being widely circulated about their supposedly miraculous powers to enhance oral sex. I have even read reports that entire towns have been sold out following a story on the radio.
What you need to understand is that certain substances (such as BenGay) penetrate the skin to create sensations of warmth or cold. Mucous membranes, such as the genitals, allow these substances to penetrate more strongly. Thus, these items create a tingle and a sensation of hot or cold depending on... uh... what the giver is doing or how he or she is breathing. Because Altoids are stronger than most mints (and made with real peppermint oil), they have a more pronounced effect. But other edible substances, such as Creme de Menthe, also work.
The trick is to put a couple in your mouth and suck on them until they are almost dissolved, then go down on your partner. If you do a warm exhale it will create one type of sensation, while a cool blow or inhale will create another. Luckily, it works just as well on both men and women. Give it a try with your partner and see what they think. Happy experimenting!
Tom, have you tried this, giving or receiving? Interested if it really works.
ReplyDeletei had never heard of this or tried it, rmj. but you can bet your sweet bootie it's on my agenda now...
ReplyDeleteI find the story suspect in that the boyfriend in the story didn't usually like having his dick sucked. The Altoids thing may work (l'll give it a go), but the story is bogus.
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