Friedrich Nietzsche
welcome to my blog, a blog about a very simple idea: EVERYONE DESERVES A SEXLIFE. seems self-evidently true, but is it? nothing about sex is "natural," we have to learn to be sexual beings. part of that is getting over shame. another part is learning from others. another part is courage—having the courage to live in ways that aren't officially appreciated or supported by institutions, law, family, church, or educational discourses. i'm not talking here about "coming out" or being "gay." i'm talking about sex as a practiced art, in the eastern sense of an ars erotica, a stylistics of sex for pleasure, for shared fellowship, for intimacy, but in ways that don't always have a romantic telos.
imagine, for a moment, if every meal had the same purpose, how boring life would be? i've been reading thoreau recently. he complains in walden about using a small stove one winter instead of his fireplace. cooking, he says, "was then, for the most part, no longer a poetic, but merely a chemic process." how sad to lose the poetic, the artistic side of cooking and eating. foodies will understand. imagine being restricted to the same food, to the same restaurant, to the same dinner partners for a lifetime. we shudder at the thought. yet when it comes to sex, our culture tends, in multiple ways, to expect exactly this from us.
this blog aims to help all of us (me too!) do a few things together: to take greater charge of our sexlives and articulate them (practice them) in ways that turn us on and make us happy. i'm not implying that everyone should publish a blog, or "come out" as a sexually active pervert (although i am a great fan of perversity!). back to thoreau for a minute. the most interesting part of walden to me is this moment in higher laws (where throreau is most anti-sensual) yet he says the following:
we discourse freely without shame of one form of sensuality, and are silent about another. we are so degraded that we cannot speak simply of the necessary functions of human nature.in earlier times, throeau goes on to say, people spoke freely about every function of life and learned from one another—how to eat, drink, urinate, void excrement, etc. this "elevated," thoreau claims, what we today (yes, we're still positively 19th-century) call "mean." foucault famously claimed in the history of sexuality that we talk about sex all the time. the idea that we are repressed is crazy. but he also mentions points out how western culture lacks an ars erotica. we know and appreciate only the science of sexuality—which usually scares the shit out of us—and not the art of sexuality. everything in this poisonous culture is against us, "cocksucker." even in the gay "community," the march is on for normativity and "marriage." this blog wants something other than the normal, than marriage (nothing against it), but there's more: how about sexual freedom?
the blog has evolved. it used to be "the oral archive" and was focused on oral sex, one of my top-man favorite things (and an under-appreciated fine art). the idea was to gather together and present images to inspire and instruct and ideas to promote and educate about good oral sex. there was very little on the internet about oral sex when i started out. there's not much today, for that matter. and most bottoms i met were pretty clueless about how to do it. many wanted to, even desperately. but they didn't come by the skill naturally and nobody was around to teach them. i hoped i could help. and maybe attract some skilled cocksuckers in the process! it worked; trust me. read my escort reviews at daddy's reviews and you'll see.
but i wanted to write about more than just oral sex. so i'm expanding the focus of the blog. i now call it my "topman archive," and i'm putting it out there to make connections, in the broadest possible meaning of that phrase. i want to write about being a top because being a top is what makes me tick, at least sexually. it's not natural; it was learned. just like being a good bottom is learned. and yes i know that some people consider dividing the world between tops and bottoms is passé. i'm not one of them. much of the material here comes from my own personal experiences. even more, for sure, from ideas shared with me by buddies and the great bottoms who have been and continue to be my best teachers. most of all, perhaps, pornography. we learn from porn, and from the creative imaginations of the best pornographers.
i think porn is as important to a sexual community as medicine is to the larger human world. slavoj zizek says: “fantasy does not simply realize a desire in a hallucinatory way: rather,...fantasy constitutes our desire, provides its co-ordinates; that is, it literally ‘teaches us how to desire.’” pornography is a constant source of good fantasy, and good porn is hard to come by! for these reasons, the blog reviews porn and promotes films and studios that present the best images to inspire and instruct. i am no expert. i am a student learning from colleagues and eager to share what i do know. feel free to share in return. i welcome that!
OKAY, I'M STILL WORKING ON THIS...more to come
[i help myself to images from the internet...if something belongs to you and you want it removed, just drop me an email.]
